The 8 Best Vacation Spots For Single Guys
/A vacation can be a great opportunity to spend meaningful time with the people you love the most. Whether you are on a tropical beach with your lover, or exploring the ruins of Europe with your wife, or visiting your ancestral homelands with your kids, every vacation offers a unique chance to grow with those you love the most.
"But Sad Tom," you're probably thinking "what if nobody loves you?"
Then you'll want to know my top 8 vacation destinations for single guys!
1. Dover Hilton
I went here for StampCon, the third largest stamp collecting convention on the East Coast. The convention was terrible. I went for all 3 days and hated every second of it. I just don't get it. But then again, I don't collect stamps so I guess it would have been better if I did. Everyone who collected stamps seemed to enjoy it.
Some people were there with their families, and that made me feel particularly awful.
Still, you can't blame that on the hotel. They had a lovely continental breakfast which included a Belgian waffle bar. The waffle maker was broken, so I just had some cereal. I hope that the waffle maker is fixed by next year's StampCon.
2. Hampton Beach Ramada
They had the coldest air conditioning I've ever felt. So cold that it could keep the room ice cold even when I cranked up the heat– full blast– at the same time. I got a room that had a window that opened up directly to a brick wall, which had been painted black. So I cranked up the AC and the heat and took a shit ton of ambien and slept for four days.
It was the happiest I've ever felt.
3. Daytona Double Tree
When a cleaning lady found me unconscious on the floor of my bathroom, my heart had already been stopped for 20 minutes. She and her manager over my body for another 30 minutes while they waited for the EMT's to arrive, who immediately pronounced me Dead. They tranpsorted my body to a local morgue. I woke up in a sealed coffin as they were preparing to bury my unidentified body in an grave marked "John Doe"
4. Detroit Ramada
When I walked into my room, I was startled to find an old blind man in the room. Upon hearing me come in, he immediately started to beg for help. He said that he was a very wealthy man, and he had been hoodwinked by a beautiful woman. She had drugged him, destroyed his ID, killed his seeing eye dog, and left him there with nothing. He told me that he had to get to Lucerne Switzerland within 48 hours so that he could freeze his bank accounts before she drained them.
I was so afraid of getting into a confrontation with the man that I remained completely silent.
He said "I know you're there! I can hear you breathing! Are you working with them?!" But I just stayed totally silent while the blind man begged for my help for nearly 2 hours. "Please" he said "just tell me what city I'm in? What country? She drugged me!" Eventually he stumbled in to the bathroom and I was able to run out the door.
When I complained at the front desk, they gave me a 20% off voucher for my next visit, which seemed generous.
5. Auschwitz
Not every vacation has to be centered around your mating dance just because you're a single guy. That's a very un-evolved eay of thinking. Every one should visit Auschwitz to pay silent witness to the gruesome depths of humanity.
Sorry if you were looking for a Señor Frogs.
6. Go to hell.
I don't understand what you want from me.
Everything is really terrible, and you are a huge part of the problem (no offense). Most of the world is generally a disaster and nobody is doing a god damned thing to help. We'd probably all be better off if an asteroid hit the earth and killed 99% of the population. Honestly– and I'm not trying to be rude, it's just the truth– you make me want to puke.